What the f*** do I ask my date?

There is plenty of internet debate about what you should and should not talk about on a first date. Depending on who you ask, some say you should stick to “easy” topics to avoid discomfort, and others say probing questions help weed out unlikely partners. It’s hard to figure out what to do. Looking underneath the surface of a polished online social media presence is important.

Even once you’re on a date with someone, forming a deep connection with someone seems increasingly difficult these days. Being in contact with someone is not the same as having a real connection. There are ways to keep the balance but still make the conversation interesting.

Keep in mind that you’re meeting someone for the first or second time, and there is more to people than meets the eye. Who they were in the past is just as interesting as who they are today, and sometimes you feel the strongest connection when learning about people’s journeys through life.

Do you want to create a deep connection and create an actual, real conversation? Here are some questions you can ask to start things off. It doesn’t have to be an interrogation or a barrage of questions. Practice active listening and keep an open mind. It can actually be really fun!

1. What are you looking for in a relationship?

This is an obvious choice, and for good reason. You don’t need to know the details right off the bat, but it’s important to know if someone is looking to settle down or just looking for a summer fling. You want to be on the same page to avoid wasting each other’s time.

2. What’s something I should know about you?

This is your chance to find out something interesting. Sure, people might be reserved or cautious about revealing information about themselves, but if your date is willing to open up then you can learn a lot about someone in a short amount of time and with little investment in the relationship.

3. What do you think of [insert deal breaker]?

Some people think you should stay away from tough topics, but if something is a big deal breaker to you, you may as well find out sooner rather than later! Everyone is different and it’s good to know if you have certain limits.

No matter how the date seems to be starting off, let the conversation flow naturally to see if someone has potential. They might end up being that special person. On a subsequent date, and want to make your connection even stronger, or make it more personal? Use the power of thoughtful questions and active listening to do so!

The Presence Team